Misery and Art 3

Despite my theory about art and misery being connected sometimes pain is too hard to express at the time. Certainly when my Mother died in 1997 I stopped any kind of creative work and it was not until much later that I started to paint again. I did write some (very bad) poetry at the time in an effort to express how I was feeling and images from that still remain with me - perhaps one day they will make it into my art work. "I wrap the house around me, like a cloak" is one line I remember....

Likewise when my marriage broke up at the beginning of 2005 the urge to create left me for a time - I did do some 'deconstruction' of a nude portrait I had painted of my ex-husband but I don't think that counts! But a year or so on I started a 'putting it back together' theme which I quite literally pieced together from bits of my life (the piece to the left is called - strangely enough 'Putting it back together again'). The works were painted on collaged canvas - the collage is found paper which included old sketches, receipts, notes and bills - detritus of my life basically.

Creating the surfaces was very relaxing and quite meditative and the images on top in this case were drawn with Indian ink. The figures are all based on myself (droopy bits and all).

The next painting 'Restoration' was much more literally a painting, still using Indian Ink but also with white acrylic paint. This one lost the freshness of the ink that I so liked and I struggled between the desire to be graphic and the desire to be painterly in the features of the face. It nevertheless remains one of my most favourite works - I think I captured the expression of the face that I so wanted to express, that mixture of sadness and hope that drove me to create the work in the first place.

Misery and Art 2

I painted a small set of work based on my pregnancy in 2003. The works were highly personal and reflected not only my joy and excitement at being pregnant but also my fears and anxiety. The works were highly textural with sand, cloth, collage and wax as well as being figurative. Two (including the one to the left) were hung and sold in that years staff and tutor exhibition at The Learning Connexion, the other which I felt was not strong enough to hang in the exhibition is now in my bathroom.

At the time they were very cathartic. It felt good to express what I was feeling internally in a very external way. The paintings said more than I was able to communicate with words and once completed I felt strangely disconnected from them. Some works once created are very difficult to let go of but these works (despite being proud of them) I was happy to let go to the very enthusiastic purchasers.

The process enabled me to explore my negative feelings and change them into into something positive. Like the earlier work 'Journey' (from my Aunts death) I felt I had gained something through my creative expression of the experience.

Misery and Art

Are art and misery intertwined? Can you create art without being miserable? Absolutely. Can you create art when you are miserable? Absolutely. And sometimes for me the art is better. I certainly seem to be inspired more, more ideas occur than at any other time and often they have more power.

When my much loved Aunt Robyn died several years ago (a week or so before my wedding), I travelled down to home town Invercargill for her funeral. The experience awakened unhealed memories of my own mothers funeral and my heart ached for Robyn's two teenage children. When I returned home I created the above painting - six small canvases now joined together representing my journey to Robyns funeral and my farewell to her. The piece incorporates small mementoes of the trip (her picture from the memorial sheet, parts of my plane tickets) as well as images (the arch, the folded hands, the balloon) collected through observation. The piece is one of my favourites and marks my own exploration of new textures and media in my work.

Being able to express through the creative process the myriad of feelings that had so overwhelmed me at the time was quite healing. It didn't stop me being miserable that I had lost my aunt but it allowed me outlet for my sadness and a way of 'thinking' it through.

This was not a new idea for me, I'd felt this before with art work. Even from teenage years, whenever I have had conflict in my life creating art work was often my response. But it was the first time I has quite deliberately drawn on a personal experience in a very literal way and with fair success in both process and product.